I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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