I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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