ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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