Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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