My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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