my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
