Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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