Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
