Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
