I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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