i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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