he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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