No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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