You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
