I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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