What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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