oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.