i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.