omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.