I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.