I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize