You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They have beer where we have blood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
