I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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