New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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