my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
