There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
