I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet