idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
