I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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