I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.