:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."