so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life