you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?