chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.