I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
