from now on my penis is your penis
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
