They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.