I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?