I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
only you would photoshop your dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.