Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good