This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
