i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
