I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
