is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
