You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
