dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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