Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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