I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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