If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize