We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
