drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.