You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.