dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic