It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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