So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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