so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Green mimosas i think yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
