Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
