After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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