Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
