For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
