the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
