Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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